What I Learned on Mother's Day

Every Mother's Day since I became a mother myself has been an exceptionally educational day. I'd say some of the most important lessons I've learned on Mother's Day. I've decided to share a few of them with you, my one reader, in the hopes that you will find it as entertaining as I do that I learned these lessons so late in my life.

Mother's Day, 2008: Lesson 1 - Women become mothers the moment we are aware and start preparing for that precious little poop machine to fill the void in our lives. Men become fathers when they change the first diaper. In boy speak, "Being knocked up does not grant you a Mother's Day card, woman."

Mother's Day, 2009: Lesson 2 - If a mother wants some recognition for her juggling skills and hard work (and lets face it, we all do), she has to start reminding her family in February that Mother's Day is coming up. My mother always did this, and I never really understood why. Men do not plan. They do not prepare. And if you don't get a seed planted and really tend it, nothing sprouts on Mother's Day. Instead, you find yourself explaining to him in July that the reason you spent fifty dollars at the flower shop in May was to get his mother something for Mother's Day.

Mother's Day 2010: Lesson 3 - Becoming a mother oneself does NOT grant one immunity from the wrath of one's own mom should one neglect one's daughterly Mother's Day duties. This is a very important lesson, people. Take it from me. Don't test it. Just go see your mom and tell her how much you love her. No matter how inconvenient it seems, its not that hard.

Mother's Day 2011: Lesson 4 - Mothers. Teach your sons to do everything PERFECT for you on Mother's Day. Train them to give you full on princess treatment. Do this not for yourselves, but in the hopes that one day when he has an exhausted, overwhelmed wife with one kid on her hip and one hanging on her leg, he'll know exactly what to do. Train your daughters to accept gracefully that men just don't get hallmark holidays and that we really just want some flippin flowers.