Jumping In

I am a capable mother. Friends and family often compliment me in this context.

"You are such a good mother."

"You are a GOOD mother."

"You are the best mom I know."

"You are an exceptional mother."

I am a capable mother. But this woman you describe, she does not exist.

You see what I post. I see what you post. On facebook, twitter, and often in our blogs, we are ALL perfect mothers.

"[my child] said [insert antic] today!"

"i love my babies so much!"

"my life is so much better with [my child] than it was before!"

How often do we post things like:

"I have dishes in the sink that have been there for two days."

"I gave [my child] the dirtiest look today when she was demanding attention from me."

"I fed my kid chicken nuggets and sliced apples for dinner because I was too lazy to cook."

We don't.

Well, some of you do. Some of you do and you are my favorite mommies. I hope to be more like you one day. I hope to cast aside my fear of the "Mommy Shark Pool" and jump right in, knowing whatever bite I take will heal with time. I know I need to. I'll never be myself or be comfortable around other moms until I do.

So here it is. This is me.

• I hate doing the dishes.
• I'm a terrible cook.
• I only recycle about half the recyclables in our home.
• I spend too much time on facebook.
• I walk in to cover up my kids before I go to bed and secretly hope my son will wake up so he can sleep with me (although it has only happened a few times).
• I have OCD.
• I'm completely flustered when our routine changes.
• My kids don't eat enough vegetables.
• Neither do I.
• I let my children watch Caillou.
• I let my children watch too much PBS and Nick Jr.
• I teach my daughter to farm resource nodes on MMORPGs.
• I have beer in my fridge.
• I have cobwebs on my ceiling fan.
• I'm too harsh on other moms because I fear the same judgments myself.

Oh God, this could go on forever. You get the idea. I'll do another mommy purge. Someday.

I'm in the pool. My eyes clenched tight. I'm ready. Bring it.